1. It Happens All The Time in San Francisco

    stolen iphone

    People these days, they walk around in a bubble. Lost in their music, texting their friends or frantically checking-in to the quirky hair salon they’ve just left. Can’t bear to miss an opportunity to show off their highly curated and successful lifestyle.

    What they aren’t aware of are their surroundings.

    You can use this to your advantage, keep your eyes peeled. Next week is SXSW and the tourists are in town. They’re spoilt little brats, never been in a fight all their lives, never seen a robbery before; you can use this to your advantage too.

    This is how it goes down. Wear a hoodie and hang around downtown, somewhere between 4th and 8th. Stay away from the convention center because that’ll be crawling with cops—both the rental and the suinae variety—the alley between 6th and 7th at San Jacinto is perfect. Put your hood over your head and try to blend in. When you see them whip out an iPhone as they walk, simply approach them. If they don’t look you in the eyes, they won’t be able to identify you. Just another nigga in a hood.

    Then Bam. A quick punch in the face. Turn off the phone; you don’t want to be tracked by the GPS.

    Run to your car / bike a few blocks away and you’re clear.

    Remeber two things, make sure you don’t steal any of that HTC shit though, resale value is pathetic, and the best targets are short Asian girls, because they’re easy to outrun.

    That’s what my newphew tells me anyway, he does magic tricks on Castro St in Mountain View but when the cash gets tight he picks up a few iPhones, jumps on the Caltrain and discreetly sells them to people on Market Street in San Francisco.

    @r4vi

    Image: Rafael Poveda

     
  2. South By South Wasted

    Jordan: “Hello?”

    George: “Hey Jordan how are you. It’s George.”

    Jordan: “Good to hear from you.”

    George: “I just rolled into Austin.”

    Jordan: “For South By?”

    George: “For South By.”

    Jordan: “Wanna get fucked up? I’ve taken the week off.”

    George: “I really shouldn’t, the company sent me to network.”

    Jordan: “What better way to network than off your tits on coke?”

    George: “We’re not living in a squat on Holloway Road anymore.”

    Jordan: “No but I’m renting out my spare room to a Japanese band, all birds, early twentys. I’m getting fucked up with these girls with or without you. Don’t be a fucking pussy.”

    George: “I’ll be over in twenty.”

     
  3. Wall Slugs

    Wall Slugs

    Document Id: 46323-6924-2328-8286-Z

    This document is an English translation of the first observation of that the Moycldocin race made of humans. It is only a short extract from an extensive journal they maintained for 15 years before making first contact. The date on earth was the 2012-03-10 and the location was the Convention Center in Austin, Texas.

    The quantum entanglement camera has reached Earth, a planet we suspect has intelligent life forms. The planet has been emitting very uniform RF radiation. The QEcam was deployed when we first detected this radiation. During it’s journey the Earth has completed a solar orbit thirty-five times and the amount of complex RF radiation has increased exponentially. It is my belief that there is almost certainly intelligent life, and most interestingly that they are approaching a technological inflection point.

    Audio Link Established.

    Video Link Established.

    slugs

    Location Triangulation Complete.

    I can see a structure that is clearly not organic populated with living creatures, they all look very similar apart from their skins which are mostly unique combinations of colours and patterns. By far the most popular pattern is plaid. I suspect this has something to do with their societal hierarchy.

    They often stop moving and congregate around specific location around the walls where I believe they are feeding, until they are finished with their feeding they are lethargic. Therefore I will name this race wall slugs.

    Their technology is primitive, they occasionally still communicate using vibrations in sound much like our race did. However they have developed to ability to communicate with each other through small devices through gestures. The majority of their communication is made up of this medium.

    There are thousands of them, scurrying between compartments of the structure. However there is no sign of conflict or sign of violence.

    In my opinion: this race warrants further investigation.


    Copyright © 2064 | United Earth Library of Congress | Washington | 38.8883, -77.0043

     
  4. Spring Break

    saladonions:

    Third day here, I wish I was with my friends in Florida. But here I am giving out little angry bird toys to nerds. Don’t get me wrong, some of them are cute but so far only one of then has hit on me; Jim, he’s got his own company selling virtual goods in farmville. He hasn’t called yet though.

    @r4vi

     
  5. 19:27

    Notes: 351

    Reblogged from saladonions

    Tags: sxswisxswfiction12ss

    saladonions:

    1.

    “It’s just like every great empire, y’know what I’m sayin?”. The driver paused to honk his horn again at a cloud of content strategists. “Egypt, Rome, you Brits - they get decadent and then they fall. Same with south-by.” He pulled to a stop in front of the SoBe Lizard Lounge. “Y’all have a good time, now.”

    2.

    I was out of his room by eight o’clock, just in time to make the first panels. No point waking him up, so I didn’t.

    Still, I left him my business card. I’ve got 300 to get through, and a little networking never hurt anyone.

    3.

    Craig checked his twitter as he came off the panel and into the bloggers’ lounge. What had been 650 followers was now 550.

    Which was strange, because his audience had barely topped twenty.

    4.

    Their eyes had met over a rhubarb smoothie. He was a game designer on heat, she was a planner who needed something to jazz up her loyalty scheme. They both filed their resignations that day, and by the morning they’d made it as far as Monterey.

    5.

    The Frog Design party planner surveyed the devastation, and allowed himself the merest of smiles. The patio would probably require jetwashing, and the call girls would need to be paid to keep their silence, but it was money well spent.

    6.

    -“Okay, come to Stubb’s.”

    -“The one in the barn?”

    -“No, that’s Emo’s. Stubb’s is behind the hotel”

    -“Okay, see you outside the Hyatt in five.”

    -“No no, the Hilton.”

    -“The Hilton? Which one?”

    -“The one on sixth.”

    -“Sixth? What streets is that near?”

    -“Fifth and- look, just Foursquare me, okay?”

    *click*

    7.

    The audience’s standing ovation was ecstatic, rapturous, genuine. Here, in this safe place, a man had dared to stand up and tell them that the internet was really, really important, and it was going to become more so.

    8.

    He looked across at the array of shining, confident iPad 2s, little slices of the future itself, resplendent in their cases like leatherette cloaks.

    Then he looked down at his own iPad, dusty but laden with his own dropbox, his own photos, his own hilarious cat background. Already synced with his calendar, after all.

    “I’ll never leave you, old friend,” said he.

    9.

    As we tried to muddle our way through interpolated “how’s it going?”s and settled on a hug, we both felt a familiar vibration from our phones as they registered the human contact of an old friend and added ten points to our totals. I’d vowed to stop caring about the game layer - who needs points, anyway? - but feeling the vibration was comforting, as though our meeting had legitimacy, had somehow been noticed and recorded for posterity.

    10.

    Between the heat of the tarmac and the heat of the debate, I’d had about as much as I could take. I leaned over to the barman:

    “I’ll have a bloody mary with celery, pepper, chillis, blue cheese, olives, and a strip of bacon. Wait, make that two.”

    “Two Ashtons, coming right up.”

    11.

    The VC narrowed her eyes, said, “Go.”

    The nervous man took a deep breath:

    “Have you ever wondered-“

    “No, I haven’t. Speed up.”

    “Okay, um, imagine a platform where-“

    “I don’t imagine, I invest. Speed up.”

    “It’s an experiemental user experience case that brings together-“

    The VC gave a sigh, started to close her notebook.

    “Wait! It’s basically a cross between location, group messaging, and Friday by Rebecca Black.”

    She smiled.

    “How much do you need?”

     
  6. 19:21

    Notes: 3

    Reblogged from saladonions

    Tags: SXSWfiction12sssubmission

    saladonions:

    Five thousand miles away his mother waited - and worried. He’d lost his suitcase, his money, even his hotel room. But he told her he’d be fine, and she’d promised not to ring.

    So she stalked him on Twitter, but not in a weird way. Just enough to know he wasn’t lying a dark alley somewhere covered in vomit with a knife in his chest (which, of course (as she discovered later), he wasn’t).

    In fact what she did learn was that he was having an amazing time, meeting interesting people with the energy to change the world. He’d drunk free G&Ts courtesy of The Guardian (so jealous) backed up with free tea and scones. And then finally, on the last night when he really needed a hotel room, he’d found one, and it was very nice.

    Then he called her, from the airport, with his suitcase and cash intact, and exhaustion his SXSW souvenir.

    “You’d have loved it, Mum. You’d get a bit of bottom lip tremble returning to the States and you might have immigration issues, but they’d let you in once they’d listened to your story.”

    But, most importantly, she knew he could look after himself. So in the future she wouldn’t have to worry. Well, until the next time.

    @clairebyus